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Real members of MyMyelomaTeam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.
A MyMyelomaTeam Member asked a question 💭
Connecticut, CT

Caveat - you did not know them prior to their illness. I feel like I will never be able to date again and I'm young and single. :(

July 14
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Answer Summary

Members responded with honesty and warmth to a young person with Multiple Myeloma wondering if they could ever date again, with many saying... Read more

Members responded with honesty and warmth to a young person with Multiple Myeloma wondering if they could ever date again, with many saying they would stay in a relationship if they learned about the diagnosis after already connecting with someone. Several members encouraged getting out and living fully, noting that MM is often a hidden illness and that there is no obligation to disclose right away. A recurring theme was hope, with one member sharing she has been in a loving relationship for nearly two years with a supportive partner, reminding others that connection is still possible.

A MyMyelomaTeam Member

Deb, listen to Paula, she always has good common sense answers. None of us are particularly overjoyed about dealing with our situation, but as long as we're breathing, then we may as well go on living.
Go to a museum, a concert, a walk in the park; you never know who's right around the corner.

July 14
A MyMyelomaTeam Member

Debi,
You are beautiful inside and out. The right guy would cherish every day with you. You may live another 20 years, like my two cousins who have MM. By the way, they have not found a gene, so it’s not hereditary at this point. It may be just environmental factors.
Paula🌹

July 14 (edited)
A MyMyelomaTeam Member

Deb, the real question is, how many people with our situation would reveal it immediately if they wanted to enter the dating scene, through online dating. Which by the way, I tried (pre-diagnosis) several times on several sites with nary a date. I'm no GQ model,but I'm a fit, nice looking guy, and it was truly a waste of time. The cost didn't bother me, it was the frustration of getting nowhere.

Anyway, back to your question, if I (totally subjective answer) did not have our situation and unbeknownst to me started dating someone who had it, but subsequently, revealed to me she had our situation after a few months of dating, I would certainly not break off the relationship. I'd feel terrible, call it Italian Catholic guilt, but I don't think I would be able to say "addio per sempre" goodbye forever.
It is a very hidden disease, most don't even look particularly ill. Unlike, other more obvious C's.

Deb, join an exercise program, I'd bet you, you'd get a date. You would not be obligated to let the cat out of the bag immediately .
Don't stay home and be miserable. I tried that after the initial diagnosis, it's not a good way to go about living.

July 14
A MyMyelomaTeam Member

Yes I would. I have been seeing a very nice man for almost 2 years. He has his own health issues and we understand each other. He has been my rock - does things for me around the house, cooks, takes me on outings, and a great listener. All of us are leaving this earth with some sort of health issue.

July 15
A MyMyelomaTeam Member

I would not select someone on a dating site that revealed they had cancer. I have never been on a dating site and have been married 35 years to my current husband. I would reveal my cancer to someone I was dating as soon as I thought I might want to continue things with them. Maybe after a few dates to give them the opportunity to bow out before getting too emotionally involved. That's just what I think I would do, not what you should do. That being said, I am 70 years old and am fairly certain I would not be that interested in dating again or lets just say I would not be looking for a committed relationship again.

July 15

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